Fast Food Fish Tales

Hungry for a fish sandwich?

I’m not Catholic, but I like the idea of giving up something for Lent. I give up eating meat on Fridays. It is more difficult than it sounds to give up red or white meat every Friday for six weeks until Easter. It takes planning. In an effort to educate my readers while not posting any copyrighted pictures from Pretty Vacant that some readers will upload on other sites (you know who you are), I would like to write about something somewhat practical.

Most of us have busy lives and not much time to prepare food that we do not normally eat. Conversely, upscale restaurants charge a premium for their food dishes. I’m grateful that fast food restaurants have caught onto serving fish products during the Lent season.

Fast food fish products are a wonderful compromise of convenience and expense, but I also realize that they are not created equally. I went to four different fast food restaurants during the first four Fridays in Lent and ate what they had to offer: Beer Battered Fish Tacos from Del Taco, Carl Jr’s Atlantic Cod Sandwich, Burger King’s Big Fish and the granddaddy of them all, McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish.

Eating their items is one thing; going back to order them again is another. Which places will I revisit for the last two Fridays of this Lent season? To answer this I conducted an analysis based on a combined ranking (1-to-4, 1 being the best) of three key categories: Taste (Does it taste good?), Neatness (Can I eat it in my car?) and Price (Why pay for dining-in prices when you’re on the go?).

Taste. The Beer Batter Fish Tacos were wonderful, a crunchy concoction that was tangy yet mellow. The Atlantic Cod was a hodge-podge of different flavors that tried its best to hide the fact that I was eating fish while the Big Fish was surprisingly bland. The Filet-O-Fish was satisfying with lightly seasoned fish held together with cheese and a steamed bun. 1. Beer Battered Fish Tacos 2. Filet-O-Fish 3. Atlantic Cod 4. Big Fish

Neatness. The Beer Battered Fish Tacos were impossible to eat in the car, the cabbage kept falling out of the shell. The Atlantic Cod was not much better as its different sauces oozed onto the paper wrapped around it. The Big Fish was very tidy, but more tartar sauce landed in the box with the Filet-O-Fish than in my mouth. 1. Big Fish 2. Filet-O-Fish 3. Atlantic Cod 4. Beer Battered Fish Tacos

Price. The Beer Batter Fish Tacos left me hungry even after I paid $3.50 for two of them, while The Atlantic Cod was satisfying at one penny less ($3.49). The Big Fish was okay for $1.99, but the big surprise was McDonald’s $1.59 Filet-O-Fish Fridays promotion which made me buy two sandwiches that day. 1. Filet-O-Fish 2. Big Fish 3. Atlantic Cod 4. Beer Battered Fish Tacos

Combining the rankings (adding up each category’s rank and dividing by three) gives me the ideal fast food restaurant to make a return visit:
1.67 Filet-O-Fish 
2.33 Big Fish 
3.00 Beer Battered Fish Tacos 
3.00 Atlantic Cod

Wow. Even though the Beer Battered Fish Tacos had the best taste IMHO, the Filet-O-Fish sandwich still wins out for me! Add a one dollar soda and one gets a decent car meal for less than three dollars. My mind’s made up! I know where to go and order for the next two Fridays, and can’t wait for Easter to arrive so I can work on Pretty Vacant: London Calling while eating a burger at Five Guys or In-N-Out! And celebrate Christendom’s most sacred day at WonderCon...